At the crossroads... again

Life has been a bit busy lately. I have not had time to stay on my morning schedule. I have been good about finding some time to sit and be quiet, but it has not been on a consistent schedule. My heart can feel the void. Life is changing... again.


As I enter into the last few weeks of family life as we know it, my heart is aching a bit. Change stirs up all kinds of emotions. I have been looking at all the graduation pictures and the achievements and celebrations of all of my sweet friends' children. So much to celebrate. So much to rejoice in. And it brought back memories of our past year.


Since this time last year, we sent a daughter off to study in another country. Her wings stretched wider. We graduated the second daughter from high school. The emotions are not easier the second time around. We launched the third daughter from middle school. No more little ones. They are all little women now. I spent a fabulous week of girl time with my young adult daughter taking in the sites of Rome, Italy. I knew what was coming when we returned home. She didn't. My heart buried every moment of our time together. We had the honor of being a part of the first daughter to agree to be a wife. She will spend a lifetime loving our sweet new son. We packed up a college freshman for the second time. The drive away is not easier the second time around. And finally we dropped off the last one at the great big high school to begin the fastest four years of their young lives.


This past year we have celebrated their accomplishments. We have cried a few tears with them. We have prayed with them and for them. We have guided and directed when necessary. We have struggled with some classes and a few teachers. We have met their new friends and tried to stay relevant in their lives. We have cheered them at sports events. Joined them for  Parent's Weekends. Gone to football games and shared some incredible family time together. And now we are preparing to give one away. All of us. It is an emotional time.


My heart has smiled so often the past few weeks. I woke up one morning to my older two snuggled in bed together. I wanted to freeze that sight for a moment. I came home to my younger two laughing and giggling to a TV show as they enjoyed their girl time. I have watched the little one become a part of the girl pack that comes along with sisterhood. She is growing into their world now. So many emotions packed into such a small amount of time.


And this morning I find myself staring again at the crossroads of life. Waiting for the next season. Not sure how to live the unknown. Trying to wrap my head around the emotions of a new normal that I have never experienced. But so very humbled that the Peace that passes all understanding is holding me tight.


Bury the memories deep, sweet friends. Be intentional in your celebrations and in your words. Love well. Love with everything you are. And let go with the knowledge that they are loved with a Love that far surpasses anything we can give them. But stand firmly in the gap. Praying without ceasing. Guiding when prompted. Leading by example. And cheering like crazy from the sideline.

Prayer for my girls: 

"Do immeasurably more in their lives 

than all we could ever ask or imagine, 

according to Your power that is at work 

within them. Glorify Yourself through their life,

 and through the generations to come." 

Ephesians 3:20-21.

"God doesn't tease"....

I have a sweet young friend who said those words to me at dinner one night. She told me about a dream she had about a house. She felt like it was the house that she would live in one day. As she and her fiancé were house hunting they came across a house very similar to the one in her dream. Because of different obstacles and bumps in the process, she began to doubt her thoughts about the house. As she asked God about all of it, she felt like He told her, "I don't tease."


That one statement has stuck with me since I heard her say it. My God does not tease with me. He does not tell me some elaborate story and then say, "Gotcha!". His Word is Yes and Amen through Jesus. His plans are to prosper not to confuse or to mislead or to tease. He does not mess with us. We allow the enemy to mess with us.


As I enter into these last few weeks of craziness, I reminded myself of that truth this morning. Concerning myself. My girls. My sweet husband. As we have sought Him during this time of planning and preparation, He has gently guided us through the maze of the unknown. All of us. Through a difficult season with a teacher. Through the process of planning a wedding. Through the choppy waters of the first year of college. Through the rock solid stand of a man who lives with four women.


He has shown us the way. Even when we couldn't quite see the path. Even when we doubted the way. Even when we veered off on our own. He was there. Never wavering from the plan. Never misleading us. Or confusing us. Or teasing us.


Sometimes, I lost sight of His truth. Sometimes, I doubted what He told me. Sometimes, I disagreed with what I knew was His way. But through it all, His way has been full of blessing. Not easy. Not rose colored. But blessed.


As you navigate the waters and paths of your crazy life, hold fast to that truth. Our God does not change or waver or stumble along with you. He walks beside you. He leads you. He carries you. And through it all, He loves you. It is the world and the enemy that whisper in our ear: "See. He won't help you." or "That dream or that thought or that nudge was just your imagination."


Don't believe any of it. My God does not tease. He is Truth.


Happy Friday, sweet friends....

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” 

says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond 

anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens 

are higher than the earth,    so my ways 

are higher than your ways    and my thoughts 

higher than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

⁹ 

Gentleness

I read an amazing blog yesterday about guiding gently. About how God does not boldly force us into anything but through His mercy and gentleness and kindness He simply guides us in the direction we should go. The author reminded us that as mothers we should do the same. She suggested that our tendency is to push instead of gently guide.


I have thought a lot about that this morning. As I sat quietly, reflecting on the next 4 weeks and all that they will bring with them, I was a little overwhelmed. Not with panic just with emotion. So much change. So much guidance needed. Expected. Asked for.


As I allowed my mind to race with the fear of incompetence, that still small voice rang out loud and clear: "but I am competent." He has the answers.


I have no idea how to be the mother of the bride. Of the newlywed. Can I remember the emotions of mothering a young adult home from college for the first summer? It has been so long since we navigated the waters of a 15 year old on the brink of boys and changing friendships and tough classes. So many stages and so many emotions. So much guidance needed. Expected. Asked for.


"But I have the answers. Ask Me." That Voice is so gentle. So full of mercy and wisdom.


As I continued to sit in the presence of the gentleness, my heart began to calm. My mind began to clear. I sought out His words. His guidance. I asked for His answers. For His gentle Spirit. For His eyes and ears and heart. He showed me that pushing requires my own effort. To push for my agenda or my way of doing things means I have to get behind and exert my own strength. But to guide simply means to lead the way. Walk beside. Follow the Leader ahead of me. Keeping my gaze on Him, not the ones around me.


My earnest prayer is to gently guide. In order to do so, I must follow. This morning I needed so much guidance. So I asked for it. Prayer is the compass for our journey. Without it we get lost. Confused. Fear sets in and we lose focus. But our Guide is always there. Patiently waiting to gently guide us on our way.


Gentle blessings, sweet friends.

The Lord says, "I will guide you 

along the best pathway for your life. 

I will advise you and watch over you." 

Psalm 32:8

Celebrating with a Mother's Heart

I am in the middle of full celebration mode. College graduations. Family parties. A college freshman finishing strong. And a little sister becoming a young woman as we all watch in awe. My heart is so full. And my life is just plain crazy busy right now.


I will be honest with you. I am tired. But it is all so worth it. My pastor has always said that we cultivate what we celebrate. I have written about that statement many times. But it is so true. When we celebrate with our children, no matter how small the reason, we cultivate something in them that will pass down to the next generation. 


Take the time to celebrate your children. To celebrate your family. Even when you are tired. The enemy loves to whisper in our ear that it is not worth it. Too much to do. Too tired to do it well. Or the complete lie that our children don't want to be celebrated. They will think it is lame.


Celebrate with a mother's heart. Love well. In deed and in words. Tell them you are proud of them. Show them that you are in the moment with them. Each child has a different bent. Figure out what it is. Then pour into their individual bent. Love them in a way that they will receive. Big or small. It matters.


Don't let the big things slip by. And don't miss the little things hiding behind their insecurities and their busy lives. Celebrate it all. Speak into their hearts with words of affirmation. With humble recognition. With Love that lets them know that they are special and that you noticed.


A mother's heart is so full of revelation and of insight into our children. Don't keep it inside. Share it with them. Cultivate an environment that makes them feel special. Even if they don't acknowledge it. Even if they roll their eyes or shrug off the effort. Just a hug. Just a kind word. It goes a long way. And that kind of cultivation reaches through generations into eternity.


Jesus celebrates with our mother's heart. Receive His blessing and know that you are loved and celebrated and known by the Creator of the Universe. Be blessed my sweet friends. Happy Mother's Day!

 But Mary treasured up all these things 

and pondered them in her heart. 

Luke 2:19

My heart can't graduate...

We leave in a few hours to head to Athens for Katie's first college graduation ceremony. She has her convocation from the College of Education today. She has flourished at the University of Georgia. Graduating Magna Cum-Laude with a degree in middle grades education. So very proud of her.


I found pictures this morning of my college graduation. I was already married when I actually "walked" in the ceremony. Danny and I had driven to Dahlonega that morning and met our parents. I put on my cap and gown and received my diploma. Then I went home with my husband. I remember how weird it felt when I left to go "home". Waving to my mom and dad. Going home to my house.


My heart could not quite wrap around those emotions. It still is struggling. How do you stop one life and start another? You blink and life changes. Again. I am not sure that our hearts ever catch up to all the emotions. I read one of my first blogs from last August this morning. I am actually living the reality of all the emotions I wrote about. This is what my transParent's heart feels like. All those thoughts have happened. We are living them now. But my heart is struggling.


Thank goodness we are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving Creator who knew we would struggle to catch up with life. Being a parent is the most heart stretching job. Each moment expands our capacity to love. To nurture. To grow. If we allow Him to show us the way, then each success and each failure is used to bring good. No matter how bad the bad is. No matter how wonderful the good is. His fingers of love weave together the good and the bad to form a beautiful picture of life. His masterpiece.


I am trying hard not to blink these next few weeks. Life doesn't stop for me to catch up. So my heart has to do its best to survive. But along the way, I am burying the memories. Holding to the emotions. Remembering each moment. Grasping a glimpse of a Sovereign God.


The older my children get. The more moments we live through. The more I have a clearer grasp of how the Creator God of the Universe can love and know me in the midst of it all. His heart can hold us all. Loved and cherished individually. 


My heart doesn't have to graduate to each new moment. It just keeps expanding...

He will feed His flock like a shepherd. 

He will carry the lambs in His arms, 

holding them close to His heart. 

He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young. 

Isaiah 40:11 NLT

Faithful Friends...

As a mom of three girls, we have had many a conversation about picking faithful friends. About how important it is to surround ourselves with those one or two safe people. With that friend that sticks closer than a brother. I have watched all three of my girls be hurt by a friend. And I have watched each of them be the cause of hurt to a friend. It never ceases to amaze me how deeply we can be hurt by those we thought were our "friends".


Sometimes those "friends" that hurt us are family or a spouse or even a "spiritual" mentor. I have people who have been a huge part of a season in my life that I never see or talk to anymore. Family relationships seem to go through seasons too. Life is busy and all consuming sometimes. And in our own little world we tend to put expectations and needs on those closest to us.


But the Word tells us to cast all of our burdens and anxiety on Him because He will take care of us. And He will. We just lean toward people with skin on. We look to others to fulfill us. To make it all better. To be on our same page and in our same thought process. It is when those expectations aren't met that we get hurt. We pout and get mad. We take our toys and go home because we don't want to play anymore.


God created us to be in relationship. To celebrate life together. To cry together. To laugh together. To reach out and to love well. But it is an active reaching not a passive receiving. I have discovered over the years that too many people base their idea of who God is on who their friends are. On what they get from the people around them. Of how they are made to feel and what group they are allowed to be a part of. Too many of us get our self worth by who we are or are not friends with.


But Jesus says that He is all we need. That He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. That He gave it all for us. That we should do the same for others. God's way is to pour ourselves out. To offer everything we have and then some. To put other's above ourselves. To actively reach out to those around us in genuine love and mercy. Not to just sit and wait for others to make it all better for us.


I did not make friends easily when I was younger. I struggle with the fear of what others think of me. Of what they are saying behind my back. I always have. And each time I was hurt it made me question the next set of friends. If I perceived that I was not getting what I needed from someone then I thought that something was wrong with the friendship. But I have learned that I was wrong. God calls me to pour into the people around me. Loving well and serving without any expectation or need of my own. When I do that the return is ten fold. The friends I find around me now are numerous. The more I pour out the more my own needs are met.


The older I get the more I realize that the faithful friends that stick it out are not always the ones that I would have picked. They aren't the ones that told me what I wanted to hear or gave me things to meet my physical needs. They are the ones that told me the truth in love. The ones that loved me enough to disagree with me. The ones that said let's pray about it before we try to fix it. The ones who always point me to Jesus.

You use steel to sharpen steel, 

and one friend sharpens another. 

proverbs 27:17

Redeeming Weekend...

One of our favorite books among the Spinks girls is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. What a powerful story of forgiveness and healing and redemption. The Biblical story of Hosea written out in a fictional story that grips the imagination and warms the heart. But this weekend, I stood next to several real life redemption stories. Love stories that only God could write.


Danny and I attended the wedding of a long time friend. One of my dear friends rode along. Her life is one with the crimson strand of redemption and love running right through the middle of it. She lives her faith with such grace and with such confidence in her beliefs. The wedding was a story of God's amazing love and His covenant promises.


The bride found Jesus after she was married and had two little girls. Once her heart grabbed hold of God's hand, she never hesitated in her pursuit of Him. Her husband did not share her new passion and walked out. As she was learning about covenant and believing that her God was bigger than her pain, she chose to not be the one who filed for divorce. Her husband did not seem to see the need to file either so for nine long years she waited. She prayed. She held on by a thread at times. She surrounded herself with Truth and friends who held her up and lifted her up in prayer.


When His timing was perfect, she felt released from the failed marriage but held firmly in the Covenant of her Father. With her final stages of full healing complete and a few hard lessons learned in her new freedom, she agreed to marry the man handpicked for her. He had never been married. He knew her God. He was solid in His precepts and His ways. And he was ready to be a father to her girls and a covenant partner with her. But God was not done yet.


As she prepared for the wedding and begin to make plans, the dress became heavy on her heart. Could she be a bride in white? Could she enjoy this day as pure and spotless? She asked God. He answered with a still small yes. She found the dress of her childhood dreams. It was new. It was white. It was paid in full through an unknown blessing. She walked the aisle washed pure and whole through the blood of Jesus right down to her red shoes shining brightly as a symbol of Who made her that way.


Tears flowed. Hearts swelled. Lives were touched by the very evident presence of Something bigger than all of us gathered there. As we flowed into the next room to celebrate the covenant we had just witnessed, I ran into another old friend. She ran into my arms and began to sob. Tears of joy that came from a place of deep redemption and new life. She too had a story very similar to the bride. Because of the bride she showed up in my den one Wednesday evening. We studied and learned together until one day she showed up on my doorstep scared, broken and in need of a safe place for her and her daughter. We found another  friend with the same story who was willing to let them live with her. And again, God worked His redeeming love. In every one's life.


She introduced me to her new husband. Her Hosea who God handpicked for her. They have a precious 4 month old daughter. She is starting clean and fresh. And telling her redemption story with confidence and with love. There were women in that room that I had not seen for years. Each with a story. Each with a glimpse through the veil of our Amazing God.


As I think back over the day, I realized that my own redemption story shines brightly against the backdrop of the weekend. Even though my story does not look on the outside like these ladies, it is one of washing and cleansing. I was lost and He found me. I was washed and He reminds me daily of my redemption. He cleanses completely and totally. We simply need to rest in that Truth. Letting Him heal us to the point that we each realize that when He looks at us, He sees perfection. A child created in His image. Clean and pure. Loved and redeemed. Paid for in full. With a  plan and a purpose.

Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out 

on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people—

free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. 

And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! 

He thought of everything, provided for everything we could 

possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight 

in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, 

a long-range plan in which everything would be 

brought together and summed up in him, 

everything in deepest heaven, 

everything on planet earth. 

Ephesians 1:7 the message

Friday reflections and refueling...

I am sitting in my chair in my bedroom just listening to the rain outside my window. It is Friday and I am glad. As I listen to the trickling water run down the gutter, it is so peaceful. My house is completely silent at the moment. I turned off my background music and I am entering into that place of Peace passing all understanding.


One of the first blog posts I ever wrote was about my chair. It is where I go when I need to regroup. To regain perspective. To realign my thinking. You can read about my chair here: http://atransparentsheart.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-chair.html


It has been a busy week for me. We had some sweet friends stay with us for the last 7 days. I am physically tired but my heart is full. As you can imagine, our lives did not stop while they were here. There were still wedding plans to work on. Invitations to address. Orchestra concerts to attend. Groceries to buy. Meals to cook and everyday stuff to be done. We just took them along with us. They had some meetings and people to see, but the rest of the time they just lived life with us.


I read this morning in my devotion about the world's way of attaining riches and blessings. That the world around us tells us to hoard and to take and to look at ourselves and our needs. But God's way is just the opposite. He says serve and give and empty yourselves. And in return He will fill you to overflowing.


The Kingdom of God is all around us. We live in it if we choose to. It is a way of life. A switch in perspective. When we serve others and give of ourselves, then we find ourselves being filled with blessings and riches. Not because we want something in return. Not because if we do good things then we get a reward. Not because it looks good to others or it earns us some kind of "heaven" points. But simply because that is how Jesus lived.


As I sit quietly this morning, He is filling me back up. Refueling my heart and my mind. Giving me back so much more than what I gave this week. We were created to live in community and to be in relationship. It is the core of who we are. As long as we put down the world's way of thinking, we can learn to live a life of Kingdom living. The blessings are abundant and the perspective is eternal.


Happy Friday, friends!!

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; 

His love endures forever. 

Psalm 118:29

More than enough...

All of You is more than enough for all of me. For every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with Your love. And all I have in You is more than enough. ~Chris Tomlin



Love that song. Love the words. I want to believe those words. But do I? Do I live a life that is satisfied with His love? Is all I have in Him really more than enough? I want it to be.


If He is all I need and all that I have in Him is more than enough for me, then it is sufficient for everyone and everything around me. He is there for every thirst and every need. Not just for my little world but for all of us. For my husband. For our business. For my children. For their lives. And their decisions. And their mistakes. For my sweet friends and their lives.


He is more than enough. He is enough strength for the task at hand. Enough wisdom for the hurts and needs around me. Enough love to cover the mistakes. Enough grace to forgive and to forget. Enough for everyone. He is more than enough and much more capable than I am.


So today I am going to rest in that Truth. I am satisfied by His love. There is no need or want that He cannot fill. There is no pending decision that He does not know. No plan or thought that He is not aware of. No circumstance in the future that will catch Him off guard. He will satisfy. Every need.


Rest with me today, sweet friends. In the knowledge that He is enough. In the Peace that passes all understanding. In the awareness of His presence. In the gift of Grace. Receive what He is offering and be satisfied.

You are my supply. My breath of life; 

and still more awesome than I know.

                                            You are my reward worth living for;

 and still more awesome than I know.

You're my sacrifice of greatest price; 

and still more awesome than I know.

You're the coming King, You are everything;

and still more awesome than I know.