I have been watching the Publix commercial (it gets me every time) and all of the emails and promotions and reminders about Mother's Day. And I have been thinking about my own mother's heart... the one that is being worn on my sleeve at the moment. The one feeling some of the same pains as my body did in labor. The one swelling with pride and breaking with endings all at the same time.I remember making an intentional promise to myself years back that I would raise these girls to know not only Who they were created by and for but to know who they were in the reality of that. To walk through their lives with intention toward the bigger picture not just wade through life with the goal of becoming an adult and being on their own. I wanted them to possess those qualities that I so obviously lacked. The ability to stare fear in the face and say my God is bigger. The faith to believe what His word says even when others think they are crazy. The assurance of things to come not things that can be seen. Looking wisely into the future with intentional planning while living fully in each moment.
I have not done it all right or really even well. I have failed more times than I have succeeded. I have learned to ask forgiveness through the three sweet faces who have heard me say I am sorry more than anyone. I have learned to always say I love you over and over and over again. No matter how annoyed they get. I text it. I write it. I leave messages saying it. And I try to show it.
If there is one thing I have learned in this stage of mothering, it is to go with what you know. Even if you haven't been intentional with your relationships with your children, you know their hearts. Speak into them. The good stuff. The hard stuff. The discipline and the encouragement. Simply let your mother's heart pour into theirs. Speaking Truth. Showing Grace.
And be willing to stay the course. Whether it is rocking a crying one night after night or standing firm in discipline with the 16 year old who you are convinced simply hates you. Don't quit. Walk it through. This world might legally say that an 18 year old is an adult but any mother knows that is far from the truth. No one just wakes up one day and because of a date on the calendar they simply have all the wisdom and knowledge and emotional ability to make adult decisions. They don't know how to work at a job or handle their finances or deal with the adult world just because they turned another year older. Those things are taught and shaped and molded over years of intentional parenting. And a mother's heart knows how to do that. Trust it.
A mother's heart is an anchor that holds her children. The dry dock of safety that the ship can come back to for repairs. Whether they are 20 or 46. There is a part of every child's heart that searches for blessings in the heart of their mother.
As I watched the mini series about the Bible, I was struck by the scene of Mary watching from the foot of that Cross. Feeling and seeing with a mother's heart. Knowing the Truth but living the reality. In a perfect world, all mothers want their children. Actually choose to give birth to their children. Care for and nurture their children. Love them and teach them and mold their character. Stay the course all the way through their adult years. But, we don't live in a perfect world. We live the reality of a broken, hurting, sin-filled world.
And that reality is that some of us had great mothers to show us how. Some of us did not. Some of us are moms. Some of us are not. Some of us still have our moms. Some of us do not. Some of us feel like good moms. Some of us do not. Some of us are appreciated as moms. Some of us are not. Some of us have kids that are doing "it right". Some of us do not. Some of us want so desperately to be a mom. Some of us do not. The reality is some of us have blown it. Some of us have regret and guilt and sadness and pain that feels like it might kill us. Some of us have given up. Some of us are just tired.
But all of us have a Father that is bigger than our mother's heart. In fact, He knows everything in our mother's heart. The fear. The longing. The overwhelming love that hurts at times. And His Grace is sufficient to allow our grace to be too. Trust Him with your heart. And He will restore the years. Redeem the time. Repair the walls. Renew the hope. Reveal the future.
Don't believe the lies. Being a mother is a calling. A job. A life long journey. Stay tied to the One that gives life and let Him guide your way...
He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
He will carry the lambs in his arms,
holding them close to his heart.
He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.
Isaiah 40:11 NLT
