Have you noticed as a parent that anything concerning our children seems to put our minds and bodies on instant alert? Is it just me? I have learned through the years, from experience, how to handle many difficult situations. I have walked with people through death and sickness and heartache. I have prayed with women and children who are hurting and frustrated and have lost their way. I have walked through my own seasons of heartache and illness and death. But, when my girls become involved, my prospective so easily gets skewed.
During my detour away from perspective yesterday, I proceeded to go from frustration to justification to anger to blaming and back to frustration in a matter of a few hours. All because I let myself get carried away in believing a lie. It is a situation that needs to be addressed and something that needs to be looked into concerning my child, but it is not Kingdom altering. I lost perspective.
We do that with a lot of things, don't we? We let the world and the opinions of people around us taint our perspective. We so quickly let those voices become louder than the Truth we know. And we are usually off and running before we even recognize that we have taken a detour.
In the middle of my little detour, life was still happening. There were things going on with my other children. There were phone calls and emails concerning other things. I did the laundry, cleaned the house, went to the grocery store and bought the candy. I went to dinner with a group of high schoolers and took them to a party. I handed out candy and spent time with my husband. But my heart was far from where it belonged. I was allowing the lie to stop me from living the Truth.
Since I have named this blog a transParent's heart, I will be honest. The lie for me is feeling like I am a bad mom because something bad or hard is happening to one of my children. That is what I tend to believe. I have begun to unpack what all is involved with that belief, but basically that is what I tend to feel. For some people, that is simply silly. For others, they totally understand. Maybe for some, they have no idea what I am talking about. But for me, that is what I feel.
I have spent a lot of years learning to discern God's voice. I know what it sounds like. I have heard Him clearly time and time again. But yesterday, I chose not to hear because the other voices were too loud. The voice of my friends. The voice of my child. The voice of distractions. The voice of fear.
Around 2:00 this morning as I lay awake allowing my mind to race with anxiety, I turned my heart and my ear to Him. I heard very clearly the answer. STOP. This time I chose to listen. My anxiety turned to peace. My thoughts turned to scripture. My mind stilled and my body rested.
The situation is still the same this morning. My child didn't suddenly have a change of heart. But I did. Today I am choosing to listen to the still small voice. The One that speaks love and truth and peace. From that perspective, I can move forward as a parent. I can see clearly how He works all things together for good. I can walk in the confidence that He will lead the way.
I feel like I was supposed to share that story today. Maybe someone else struggles with that same lie. Maybe someone else needs to stop and listen. Or maybe, I just need to see my thoughts written out to help me remember His truth. Either way, I know that as I listen to His voice more and more I am living in freedom. Oh, how He loves us!
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from
the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39
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