I can remember several very distinct times in my life when I felt His presence so real in my circumstance that it almost startled me. I was thinking about those times and trying to remember what was going on in my life. I remember one time when I was a young teenager. I was very shy and had very little self confidence. I was extremely self conscious to the point that I could work myself up into a frenzy in my mind over some of the silliest things. But to me those feelings were very real. I remember so clearly being in a situation with some friends that I felt so scared and alone. It was nothing bad or wrong or even dangerous. But I was paralyzed with feelings of fear and anxiety. I can remember silently calling out for God to intervene. To change the circumstances. To alter the event. To save me from my own fears. And you know, He did. I don't know if the situation actually changed or if He changed my heart toward the fear, but I know that the feeling of overwhelming Peace and safety that I felt that day is still so real in my soul.
I remember another time in college when I had made some decisions that were not good. Again, the circumstances might not be those of a great novel but to me they were overwhelming. As any good Southern girl is taught, the longer I did not acknowledge it the longer it did not exist. I literally remember not praying for weeks because then I would have to confess. Or at the very least acknowledge the feelings of fear and guilt and confusion that were building up inside of me. I can look back now and see how God allowed me to wrestle with Him. To run and to hide and to think that I could just fix everything on my own. I probably did give it my best college try to fix it. To justify it. To convince myself that it was no big deal. But, again I remember so vividly when I finally had a heart to heart chat with God about it. I can remember that feeling of release and Peace that truly passes all understanding or words flow over me when I finally faced Him and asked for forgiveness.
I remember times in my marriage or as a young parent when I felt so alone or scared. Those times when I lived in rebellion or stubbornness or just plain fear. Those times when I wrestled with God. When I wandered aimlessly. When I flat out ran away. When I fought instead of waiting. When I spoke out of anger. When I did not speak up out of fear. Those painful times of loss and of death and of disappointment. Those were my desert times.
Lent is about spending these next few weeks reflecting on our need for Jesus as we remove the distractions and the stumbling blocks from our lives. It is about looking intently at ourselves for who we truly are. Recognizing the truth of what we are capable of. Agreeing with Him that left on our own we can and will make a big huge mess of things. Lent is a good time to actually preach the gospel to ourselves. To look expectantly toward Easter because we live on this side of the cross. We know why Good Friday is good for us. And we have the opportunity to live in Resurrection power every day.
Reflect on your desert times. Remember how He met you there. Know that He will meet you there again if you need Him. Remind yourself of His promises. Speak boldly His Truth into your situation. And then rest in the knowledge that He made the ultimate sacrifice. Allow your heart to feel the excitement and the anticipation of Easter. We were given the Gift to be Easter people. Live like it.
"Energize the limp hands, strengthen the rubbery knees.
Tell fearful souls, 'Courage! Take heart!
God is here, right here, on His way to put things right
and redress all wrongs. He's on His way! He'll save you!'
Isaiah 35:3-4 the message
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