Fall, Fears, Freshmen and Futures

Fall is my favorite season. I love everything about it. The colors, the weather and the holidays. But every year it comes at the same time as change. A new school year. A new season for my girls. Hunting season for my husband. Everything changes during my favorite time of year. And with the change usually comes fear.

This is a big year of change for us. This Fall I find myself with two new freshmen and a future bride. That is a lot of change. It brings with it a lot of emotions. This morning I find myself fighting the fear that so easily creeps into my life.

For me, it is the fear of the unknown. I am a planner. I love to be in control. As long as there is a plan then I know the direction that I need to go. When the girls were little, I always had a plan. The plan for the day. The plan for the vacation. The plan for dinner, nap time and bed time. But you know what they say about the best laid plans...

I learned very young that life does not always follow your plan. I met Danny when I was 18. We were married when I was 21 and we had Katie when I was 23 and Ansley when I was 25. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers when I was 26. My plan quickly fell apart.

There were a lot of hard years. There is no play book for this kind of diagnosis at that age. You just do the best you can. All of my parenting books and Growing Kids God's Way classes didn't cover this scenario. I did not know anyone my age with small children that could relate to most of what I was going through. Fear began to be my daily companion and most of the time led to anger.

There are lots of lessons that came out of that time. Lots of blessings too. But today, the Lord reminded me that fear is not from Him. He has the best plan. He always has. It was laid out for me long before I began to live it. And life has taught me to put down my control and follow His plan.

There is a plan for Maddie's high school years. There is a plan for Ansley's college years. There is a plan for Katie's wedding. He has it all under control. The choice is mine. I can choose to follow my plan or I can choose to follow His.

Today I wrote down my plan for this year. (I tend to think in school calendar mode) I put down all the perfect scenarios for all of us. The perfect plan in my mind. I folded it neatly and placed it in my journal. I got on my knees and laid it down. I physically let go of it and said "That's mine but I want Yours."

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you, declares the Lord, and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

As organized as I am and as good as I am at schedules; I cannot formulate the perfect plan. Life gets in the way. I can't control the people around me or the things that happen. But I can follow His plan as long as I don't pick mine back up. It has taken a few years and a lot of prayer and practice, but I am learning...