Today is one of those days that I looked back over my journal. I was trying to figure out the date that an event occurred last year. As I looked over my journal entries from this time last year, I was reminded of what a hard time it had been. We were emerging from the winter storms that had shut down much of the Northeast. All of my children were making big decisions about their future. Katie had committed to her study abroad program in Italy. She was praying about the perfect host family. Ansley had decided at the last minute to submit her application to the University of Georgia. She was also praying about some painful things in her personal life. Maddie was trying to decide what classes she would take in high school. She was praying about which level classes to take. I had been told that I had to have major surgery that would put me out of commission for a minimum of 4 weeks. Danny had the flu. We had been dealing with the death of several friends and church members. A dear friend was in critical condition in the hospital after suffering a brain aneurysm. And unknown to us, there was a tragic death of a friend and church staff member that was going to catch us all off guard.
What a difference a year makes. Looking back I can see God's hand of protection. I can see His peace and His provision. I can see how He was there in all of it. I have the knowledge now to see the answers and the paths that He gave us. But in the middle of it, my vision was not so clear.
I read a quote in one of my devotions this morning. It helped me to make sense of the last year and the trials that are ahead of me. "Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur." How very true! But that is exactly what we do. We rehearse the scene we perceive to be coming. We talk about what we think is going to happen. We ready ourselves for what our human minds can conjure up. We write the script the way we see it before it ever happens.
But God does not want us to live that way. We need to draw on our experiences and not dwell on the unknown. It is a choice and a lifestyle. A transforming of our minds. A life of continual thanksgiving instead of predicting. When we can learn to rest in what we know to be true and trust in the perspective that we have from hindsight then we tend to face our trials a little differently. That fear that causes us to rehearse over and over the outcome that we have not even experienced yet is the same fear that forces us into living a trial more times than we have to.
The Lord is teaching me to rest in His plan and not create a scenario of my own. He holds the future and He offers to go along for the ride with me. It is my choice to let Him. As I read my journal entry for today's date in 2011, I had written this sentence at the bottom of the page: "If I could begin each day with the perspective that comes from looking back at the end of the day, I might live the moments in between differently!"
I want to live differently this year. Taking each day as it comes. Living each moment with intentional thanksgiving. Loving those around me well knowing that we can't rehearse the future. Focusing my gaze on Him so that I can learn to persevere. And living each day and each trial in such a way that I am not a stumbling block but a transparent example of a work in progress.
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests
and challenges come at you from all sides.
You know that under pressure, your faith-life
is forced into the open and shows its true colors.
So don't try to get out of anything prematurely.
Let it do its work so you become mature and
well developed, not deficient in any way.
James 1: 2-4 the message
Tom and I are masters at "Rehearsing"! It's hard not to right now. As well as "Planning" the timing of upcoming surgeries for the boys!! In my mind I have the perfect timing scenario.....let's see how God will remind me that only His timing is perfect :)
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