Love is...

There has been a Facebook posting that has been going around lately about what we should teach our daughters. It is really good. It talks about what we should teach our daughters about how a man should see them and treat them. I saw it again this morning. It says:

We need to teach our daughters the difference between

A man who FLATTERS her and a man who COMPLIMENTS her.

A man who SPENDS MONEY on her and a man who INVESTS in her.

A man who views her as PROPERTY and a man who views her PROPERLY.

A man who LUSTS after her and a man who LOVES her.

A man who believes he is GOD'S GIFT to women and 
a man who remembers that a woman was GOD'S GIFT to MAN.

And then teach OUR SONS to be that kind of man. 

I agree with all of these things. However, as a mom of three daughters, I think there is something more important to teach our daughters and our sons. We can teach them all of these things but if they do not have a foundation of why they should expect this or why they should treat someone this way, then I am not sure that it means the same thing.

There are different kinds of love found in the Bible. One is Eros love. This is what our teenagers are beginning to feel. This is the human level of love. The attraction and the heart fluttering thing. I have always told my girls when these feelings come along that they aren't always real. Now, I know to them they feel real and sometimes they may be the beginning of something real, but more times than not it is just that. A feeling based on emotions that they have not taken the time to sort out.


There is also Phileo love. This is the friendship kind of love. That comfortable feeling that you feel with your best friend. This is the part that needs to be developed early in a relationship. I always encourage my girls when they first meet a boy to ask lots of questions. Find out who they are quickly. Find out if you have something more in common than just thinking that each other are cute. When you are married to your best friend, it sure makes life fun.


Then there is Agape love. This is God's kind of love. It is supreme and unconditional. It is patient and it is kind. It does not envy or boast and it is not proud. It does not dishonor or serve self. It is not easily angered or keep score. It does not delight in wrong but rejoices in truth. It protects. It trusts. It hopes and it will last. This kind of love, when it comes from both people, never fails.


That is the goal I have for my children. I want them to choose a partner that knows these things too. I know that it seems silly to most people to talk to our teenagers about marriage and about true love, but if we are going to allow them to attach their hearts and feelings to someone then we better set the standard or they will set it to what is around them. All of the things in the quote are the result of the foundation. When we teach them Who sets the standard and help them navigate through the feelings, then we are helping to build a foundation that will not crumble.


I teach all of my girls to guard their hearts. Don't get caught up in feelings that can mislead you. Don't just date because everyone else is. Don't allow yourself to get in a situation where your feelings are dictating your actions. Even the little teenage crushes teach our children what relationships are about. They learn early and quickly.


Let's teach them the difference in what God's Word says about love and what the world says. Let's teach them the difference between God's relationship rules and the world's rules. Let's talk about what real Love is versus Hollywood love. Let's show them that when you choose His way there are rewards and blessings beyond measure.

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 

You shall teach them diligently to your children, 

and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, 

and when you walk by the way, 

and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7