Condemnation vs Conviction

Since I have been praying and journaling about feelings, I have thought a lot about what lies we believe and how our perspective drives our actions. I have been thinking about how, sometimes, we can feel the same way about something good as we do about something bad. Perspective is everything.


I think that condemnation and conviction have the same root feeling. They both are felt when we do something wrong or don't do something right or get blamed for something that we may or may not have done. We parent with those same feelings. We either condemn or we convict.


Condemnation feels like shame and guilt. It produces a need to hide or cover up the wrong. The definition of condemnation is "strong disapproval; pronouncing as wrong; harsh criticism".


Conviction feels similar at first. It stings because we know that we are wrong. The definition of conviction is "to find guilty of a wrongdoing; a strong persuasion or belief".


A wise friend of mine told me years ago when my  girls were very young that I should begin to pray that any darkness in their lives would be revealed through the Light of Jesus while they were still in my home. At the time I thought that was a little strange. They weren't old enough for me to experience any real darkness with them. But, trusting her wisdom, I actually began to pray that over their lives. As they grew older and their lives were opened up to more and more of the world, I began to see the truth in that advice. Each time they were caught in the act or making poor choices or just being mean, I had the choice of how to parent. Would I condemn them with my words, with my silence, with my choice of punishment, or would I help them to be convicted of where they went wrong?


When my oldest two were in elementary school, we took a Bible study together. They had their class and I had mine. We all studied the same thing though. We were doing a study on Romans. At that time, we were using a notebook they would write in when they had gotten in trouble. They had to write out what they had done and then look up a Bible verse that pertained to what they had done wrong. My middle daughter (who filled up most of the pages) was once again using the notebook. She wrote in her child like way her version of what she did wrong and then in all caps she wrote out Romans 8:1. She presented it to us and announced with her hand on her hip that she was sorry for what she did but "therefore, now there was no condemnation"! After we got over the shock of her perfect context, we had to teach her the lesson of consequences.


Recently, we received a phone call from one of our daughters confessing a wrong that would bring consequences. She did not have to call us. She did not have to share the details with us. I hope that she called because she knew that nothing she could do would cause us to love her less. That she knew that we would not condemn her. That she knew that the conviction she was feeling was for her own good and that she could learn and move on; but there was a safe place she could turn to where she would receive love and prayers and understanding.


The world tries to teach our children what to think and how to feel. As parents, we have the power to teach them too. Our words and our actions speak volumes to our children. They learn quickly if they will be condemned for their actions or if they will be loved as they are guided through the consequences of their choices.


I still pray the same prayer for my girls. But for the ones that are not in my home everyday, I pray that the Light will convict them and they will feel the need to repent, rewind and refocus on their own. That they know that they are not condemned by their actions but that they are loved with a Love that can not be shaken. I pray that their perspective is being shaped by what they know to be true not by what they feel.


Condemnation brings death but conviction brings action. I pray that as I continue to offer counsel to my girls that they will continue to feel my love for them. I am learning too that I am not condemned for my mistakes in parenting. I am learning everyday how to do it better. I cannot let their actions or choices define how I feel about them. Thank goodness that the One who is teaching me doesn't let my actions or choices define how He feels about me.